Overview
Here are some ways to help children cope with
fears associated with violent traumatic events
such as bombings and shootings -- whether the
child has been directly involved or has learned
of the event through the media.
- Understanding your child's fears
- The importance of security and routine
- Helping your child
- Common reactions
- If fears continue
Traumatic events can have profound effects
not only on those who have been injured, but
also on loved ones, survivors, and witnesses.
Extensive media coverage of tragedies means
that the circle of witnesses has expanded to
include those who were not present at the event.
Large-scale tragedies such as bombing incidents
and school shootings can be extremely disturbing
to children, who thrive on predictability and
security. The following information is intended
to help you understand and ease your child's
fears.
Understanding your child's fears
Children who have been exposed to a traumatic
event are afraid of many of the same things
adults are afraid of: that the event will happen
again; that they or their family will be hurt;
or that they will be separated from family members.
They may also have fears based on misconceptions
of what has happened.
The importance of security and routine
Among the most important things adults can
provide for children, at any time, is an unbroken
sense of security and routine. If your child
has been exposed to a traumatic event, it's
important to do as much as you can to keep disruptions
to a minimum and to reassure him that he is
loved, cared for, and protected. It can be helpful
to:
- Reassure your child that you are there to
protect him, and that your family is safe
and together.
- Provide extra physical reassurance. Hugging,
sitting close to read a book, and back rubs
can help restore a child's sense of safety.
- Give your child a comforting toy or something
of yours to keep -- a scarf, a photograph,
or a note from you. Your child may be afraid
of separating from you, and keeping a reminder
of you close by can help.
- Be available as much as you can for talking
with and comforting your child. (If you can,
you may want to save phone calls for after
your child's bedtime.)
- If your child's daily routine has been interrupted,
let him know that this is only temporary.
(You will probably need to repeat this many
times.)
Helping your child
Open, thoughtful communication with your child
will help comfort and reassure her. The following
guidelines can help:
- Ask your child what she thinks has happened.
If she has any misconceptions, this is a chance
for you to help her. If a child knows upsetting
details that are true, don't deny them. Instead,
listen closely and talk with her about her
fears.
- Help your child talk about the event by
letting her know that it is normal to feel
worried or upset. Try to listen carefully
and understand what she is really trying to
say. Help younger children use words like
"angry" and "sad" to express
their feelings.
- Try to be patient when your child asks
the same question many times. Children often
use repetition of information as a source
of comfort. Try to be consistent with answers
and information.
If your child seems reluctant to talk, ask
her to draw pictures of what happened, and
talk about the pictures with her.
- Encourage a young child to act out her
feelings with toys or puppets. Don't be alarmed
if she expresses angry or violent emotions.
Instead, use the play-acting to begin a conversation
about your child's worries and fears.
- Talk with your child about your own feelings,
but try to find other adults to talk with
about your anxieties and frustrations. Children
pick up on their parents' emotions, and will
tend to feel more frightened and helpless
if that's how their parents appear.
- Shield your child from graphic details
and pictures in the media. They will only
make her more anxious.
Common reactions
Here are some common reactions associated with
traumatic events and ways to help your child
deal with them:
- Regression. Many children may try to return
to an earlier stage when they felt safer and
more cared for. Younger children may wet the
bed or want a bottle; older children may fear
being alone. It's important to be patient
and comforting if your child responds this
way.
- Thinking the event is their fault. Children
younger than seven or eight tend to think
that if something goes wrong, it must be their
fault -- no matter how irrational this may
sound to an adult. Be sure your child understands
that he did not cause the event.
- Sleep disorders. Some children have difficulty
falling to sleep; others wake frequently or
have troubling dreams. If you can, give your
child a stuffed animal, soft blanket, or flashlight
to take to bed. Try spending extra time together
in the evening, doing quiet activities or
reading. Be patient. It may take a while before
your child can sleep through the night again.
- Feeling helpless. Powerlessness is painful
for adults and children. Being active in a
campaign to prevent an event like this one
from happening again, writing thank you letters
to people who have helped, and caring for
others can bring a sense of hope and control
to everyone in the family.
If fears continue
Sometimes a child's fears last long after a
traumatic event, interfering with his enjoyment
of everyday life. If your child has persistent
problems with any of the following, it's important
to consult your doctor for a referral to expert
help:
- troubled sleep or frequent nightmares
- bedwetting
- fear of darkness, imaginary monsters, or
bad people
- fear of going to school, going outside,
or being left alone
- thumb sucking
- unusual quietness, unresponsiveness, or
tiredness
- unusual agitation or aggression
- excessive clinging
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